Author: Jefe

Maintaining ones integrity, as a writer, as a critic, is often difficult. How does one take something that one is, quite frankly, a fan-boy geek about, and objectively view it as a work of art and then comment on said work in a fair and impartial manner? I think the answer lies in viewing said work with detachment from one’s own fandom or obsession. One way to encourage detachment is exposure. To successfully densensitize oneself from emotional attachment, continual exposure, prehaps even over-exposure, is neccesary.

In other words, I think I need to see Episode II a few more times.

(Yippeeee!)

Meanwhile, Mom is a Pez contest winner, again, and the search for Jessica’s Prize continues.

Just a few more hours to go, and I have been thinking a lot about Sam Jackson. I’m really glad there’s a Black Jedi Knight. How much fun would it have been to be the padawan learner studying under Mace “Shaft” Windu, Jedi Mack-Daddy, er, I mean, Master. How would the Jedi wisdom sound coming from him instead of Yoda? You’d have to remember that Fear, Anger and Playa Hatin’ lead to the Dark Side, Yo. Besides, the Jedi don’t know Fear, don’t no Anger, and he don’t Love dem Ho’s. Gold trimmed lightsaber, the Kango logo on the hood of your Jedi Robe, chrome trim and hydraulics in your landspeeder. Mace Windu has got to be the coolest Jedi Knight ever. I bet his meditation chamber has a hot tub.

Spiderman

Starring Tobey Maguire. Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe

Directed by Sam Raimi

The first REAL blockbuster action pick of the summer, and it is a solid winner. As a kid, I was a huge Spiderman fan, and as I got older, I remember thinking fondly of the character even after my comic book phase had (mostly) ended. This project has been in production for years, and now that it’s finally here, it’s very obvious they did one thing right. They made a SPIDERMAN movie. Avi Arad and Stan Lee at Marvel Comics have been hitting the movie adaptation homer like Barry Bonds in the last few years (X-men, both Blade films) because they have finally realized what it takes to translate comic book heroes to film. If you are going to take a comic book hero and have him played by a real person, the character has to be A REAL PERSON. In Spiderman, they drove that pitch way out to the deepest part of the park. Spiderman has always been one of the most humanized of all the superheroic figures. Peter Parker, before being bitten by the (here) genetically altered spider that gives him special powers, isn’t “one of us”, he’s the geek that we all picked on in high school. Ok, maybe he IS one of us. Anyway, he has problems with girls, one inparticular, his home life is a drag no matter how much his adoptive aunt and uncle try to be good to him, the other kids laugh at him, he has trouble fitting in, his life sort of sucks. After being bitten, his problems aren’t all magically solved. The continuing theme of Spiderman for decades, repeated here by Peter’s uncle and later Spiderman himself, is the “WIth Great Power comes Great Responsibility.” In his life as Spiderman after graduation, Peter finds this truer with each scene. DOes he want to be a costumed crime fighter? No, but his gifts and the events of his life have obligated him to do so. Does Spidey get the girl? No, and he shouldn’t. It took Parker decades to finally get MJ to see things his way, and here is no exception (not to mention its a great marketing ploy. How many people tuned in for months waiting to see if Ross and Rachel would ever get together). Does he have a mansion, or a superhero hideout? No, he shares rent with some roomate who steals his girl, he has some crummy job working for a jackass boss for no money, and he has to find time for his hobby which is, oh yeah, fighting crime in New York. In this, the film suceeds on another very Spiderman level. Spiderman is a New Yorker, always was. No Gotham, no Metropolis, a REAL New Yorker. He ate street corner hot dogs after catching the guy who tried to rob the cart, he defended Mom and Pop corner stores from thugs who wanted to rob them, he swung from the Empire State building. In a city whose skyline has beed so tragically altered, Spidey swings with respect and a kinship with his city that is reflected in many scenes, especially his climactic battle with the Green Goblin. Unfortunately, Dafoe’s Goblin is no match for Maguire’s webslinger in the acting or characterization departments. He comes off very very OUT if you get my drift, and campy as opposed to truly menacing. Overall, a very impressive version of this story with killer effects, a love story with chemistry just hot enough to keep us coming back , and a lot of summer movie fun. 4 cell phones for this one, true believers.

Holy Cow! The Great Day has arrived! Midnight tonight, and I will be there. This review is going right up on the main page kids. Billy, Dave and I recently had a long talk about the path the hero would take in this whole deal. My bet is, He’s Darth Vader a lot sooner than we all think he is. Also, it’s entirely possible to be both Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader at the same time. Always hidden, the Dark Side is. Plus, lightsaber duels, I’m just saying’. I’m so excited I may wet myself. See ya’ll tomorrow with the update. (In the meantime, wallcrawlers, Spidey’s review will be up sometime today.)

Fortune cookie wisdom :”Upon return from a great journey, your job will blow up in your face.” What?

It did, and I never got to post after the Big Event in Houston. It was great to see everybody, and I want to wish Alison yet another Happy Birthday. Also, Mad Mad Props to the Time Traveler for scoring us the best free seats on the planet to the Astros game. After a lifetime of going to games, I finally caught a foul ball, and it’s all thanks to him. Nothing better than a day at the ballpark, I always say.

Speaking of giving love to those who desreve it, Look what Jessica did.

The Scorpion King

Starring Duane…er, I mean, The Rock, MIchael Clarke Duncan and sadly, not one other name any of you will recognize.

This is the most fun I have had at the movies since…..um……..since I got kicked out of Godzilla for being drunk. If you want to enjoy this “movie”, perhaps you should get drunk. Seriously. This rambling clusterf$%k of a flick is so awful, it is just waiting to become a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode. I could bore you with a plot synopsis (The Rock takes his muscles to kick some prehistoric barbarian ass) but why bother? Is there really any point is discussing the acting talents of a man whose role model as a thespian is Arnold Swarzenegger? In this case, the teacher still far surpasses the student, and Conan is a much more interesting character than The Scorpion King. This is supposed to be a prequel to some other eqaully inane piece of drivel, but there is no indication of it in the plot. Indeed, indications of a plot at all are rare. Also, Micheal Clark Duncan reprises his role from other films as, well, some really big guy.

That said, I had a blast watching this movie. I went during a reasonably full showing (there were many mullets) and ridiculed the film out loud in the theatre. “Wow, you Rock!, No, You ARE the Rock! Wait, I’m confused……..” I was neither shy, nor quiet. The fact that the Rock’s real name is Duane was one very important vein in my litany that day. “I can smell what Duane is cookin’ !” was one of my favorites. I was so loud and rowdy and openly spiteful of this pathic attempt to entertain anyone that the theatre staff came over and asked me to be quiet. At least I didn’t get kicked out. I badly needed a drink, however. 1 cell phone, call me if you see it, I’ll give you some material.

Monster’s Ball

Starring Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Barry, Heath Ledger, Sean Combs and Peter Boyle

Directed by Marc Forster

This goes a long, long way from your typical love story, people. Halle Berry and Billy Bob? Exactly the reaction your’e supposed to give, why? In this deeply emotional, often painful tale, two people who couldn’t be further apart are brought together in a desperate attempt to save what’s left of their lives and their souls. Hank Grotowski (Thornton) is the head of State of Alabama’s guard detail for prisoners on death row, following in the footseps of his bigoted father (Boyle) and dragging his wayward son (Ledger) along with him. Leticia Musgrove (Berry) is the wife of a convicted murderer (played with startling intimacy by Combs) set for eletrocution and under Hank’s guard. Slowly but surely, these two lost and lonely souls are drawn together by the tragedies in their lives, desperatly clinging to each other for some sort of foothold in the world. Touching performances by Thornton and Berry, who heartily deserved the Oscar she won here, coupled with deeply emotional and very nearly scarring roles by Ledger and Boyle create a mood so somber and painful in Moster’s Ball you’ll walk away feeling physically stunned. 4 cell phones

I know, I kow, I know I haven’t been writing much. All work and no blog makes Jefe a dull guy, but sometimes it has to be done. So, here’s a little quick hello.

Hi.

And now, we’re off to see the Wizard.

I have a really geeky Star Wars Episode II post in my head, but I can’t quite get it out yet. Anyone have any pliers? Look for a whole slew of that type of junk coming soon, as the GREAT DAY approaches. Also check out a new review of the worst film ever made by a pro wrestler and how much fun I had watching it. Also, I finally posted the review of the film that falls into Ryan’s favorite category, “The Feel Bad Movie of the Year.” They’re both in the Film section.