The Brotherhood of the Wolf

(Les Pacte des Loups)

Starring Samuel le Bihan, Mark Dacascos, Monica Bellucci, Emilie Dequenne, and Vincent Cassel

Directed by Christophe Gans

“Hey Jean-Claude, lets make a movie”

“Ok, Pierre, what’s it about?”

“Werewolves. Well, one, any way. And it’s more of just a Beast”

“Cool, so it’s a horror flick. Let’s make the setting here, in France.”

“Great, It’ll be a period piece then.”

“But of course, set sometime before the Revolution, when France was still a colonial power!”

“Ah, but we have to get the Revolution in somehow!”

“We’ll do the whole thing as a flashback. Who’s the hero?”

“A French Knight!”

“Who is also a learned man, a naturalist.”

“With the soul of an artist and a Native American blood brother whom he met as he traveled the world on adventures.”

“Great! Can we have Kung-Fu action sequences?”

“But of course, the Native Americans are well known for their slow motion hand to hand combat abilities.”

“Excellent! How about some palace intrigue?”

“No problem. We’ll have a secret plot against the King.”

“And we need a love triangle, between, the hero, a pure yet well bosomed red-haired French maiden and…..”

“A dusky Italian whore secretly working for the Pope!”

“Perfect! Will there be nudity?”

“Loads of it! By day, the hero courts the fair maiden, by night he sleeps in the brothel with his Italian lover.”

“So there will be plenty of harlots about. Will the Indian sidekick have a woman?”

“But of course, a gypsy who never speaks and proves to be his undoing!”

“How about the villian?”

“It’s a huge conspiracy including a mad preist!”

“And a one armed brother to the red-haired maiden!”

“Who secretly bears an incestual lust for her! After all, it’s a French film.”

“Wonderful! Will there be violence?”

“Scads of it!”

“Blood and gore?”

“By the Gallon!”

“Intense special effects?”

“Some of the best CGI work the world has ever seen, and a great camera fade in which the naked whore’s body becomes a perfect mountainside view.”

“How will we maintain our credibility through all of this?”

“We’ll film it in French, stock it full of actors no one has ever heard of, and present the entire thing with subtitles!”

“We are utterly mad French Film Geniuses!”

Funny thing is, that movie actually got made and, with all that, this movie WORKS! 4 cell phones, go see it!