On Getting to Know Me

You all should. I am a really fascinating guy. Here’s some stuff you need to know:

1) I like to list things about me that are fascinating. There are lots of them. I am extremely fascinating, and it helps to understand if you can see it in list form.

2) I often fascinate others. People occasionally just stop and stare at me. An Englishman stopped right in front of me the other day and said, in his typical poncy British accent, “Fascinating.”

3) British people are facinating, but slightly less fascinating than I am.

4) I can fascinate at the drop of a hat. Fascinate on a dime. I am quite speedy when fascinating people. Zero to fascinating in 2 seconds flat.

5) Being fascinating gets me a lot of dates. My social life is much more interesting and dramatic than yours. This is because I am simply fascinating.

6) Being fascinating also makes me a lot of money. I am so fascinatingly wealthy that I don’t know what to do with my money sometimes. However, this does not mean that I will send you some of my extra cash. I give it away to mostly fascinating charities, like the Austin Home for Wayward Scantily-clad Alcholic Women. After all, they need to sober up so that they can fully appreciate how fascinating I am.

7) I am much more fascinating than you are.

8) I like tacos.

9) I am fascinating to the French, the Germans, AND the Russians, which is difficult.

10) Children love me. It’s true. They run to me when I am in their presecence and dance about at my feet, laughing and singing songs. I fascinate them.

11) Kevin is awesome. I am fascinating. It’s a subtle but important difference. 20X2 is both awesome and fascinating because of us. Mostly me.

12) I am also awesome, but don’t tell Kevin. He gets down sometimes when he realizes that I am BOTH awesome and fascinating, but he is just awesome.

13) Ryan is rad, which is an outdated term, but he likes it. Ryan is neither awesome nor fascinating, but he’s ok with that.

14) I am also fascinating to animals. I know this because of our dog, Indie. She is fascinated by me. Then again, she is fascinated by ice.

15) If you repeat the same word often enough, over and over again, it begins to lose all meaning in your minds, and becomes difficult to understand. This phenomenon, like myself but to a much lesser extent, is fascinating.

16) Kevin and Ryan like tacos.