On Stupid People

The world is absolutely littered with them! Anyone who has problems with profanity (Hi Mom) had best tune out now.

I am absolutely fucking sick of people telling me that their own mistakes can not be corrected because, “That’s how the system works” or “That’s not how our computer is set up.” Lots of blog readers are bloggers themselves, or computer geeks of some ilk, so you are all well aware of this. However, every other goddamn waste of skin walking the planet hasn’t figured out the little nugget of knowledge that I am about to kick to ya.

You are smarter than your computer.

I promise. No matter how stupid you may be, you can beat the glowing box on your desk at checkers. It is not God, nor any other lesser deity. It is not out-foxing you. It is not non-negotiable or intolerant. Even if your meager brain only has the power to continue telling your organs to pump blood and breathe in and out all day long, even if your melon isn’t good for much more than a bad haircut and poor lifestyle choices, even if you are so dumb that you find the conversations that you have with your Chia-Pet stimulating, if you are anything more than a total EKG flat-line, you are smarter than your computer. It can count to one. That’s it. 0 plus 0 = 0. 1 plus 0 =1. That’s how they work.

So, today, when my insurance company, my bank, the cable company and the Best Buy delivery service all told me that they felt as if the glorified Speak and Spells that they have becomes slaves to were managing to reinvent the wheel while they were having trouble opening the Jell-o pudding cups because the direction were multi-syllabic, I asked for all their names. Here now, in an effort to prevent my Gracious Reader from having to deal with these troglodytes, are a list of the meat sacks that I have had to deal with just in the past few hours.

Brian Hill of Progressive Insurance Co.

Izzy Balazio
Scott Stanush of Best Buy Delivery Services.

Gary Sherman of Wells Fargo Bank.

Wanda Jackson of Time Warner Cable.

These people are Stupid. Almost completely. Steer clear of them. Do not loan them money. If they ask you for directions, speak slowly and use small words. If you find yourself competing against them on Jeopardy, even if the Daily Double comes up after you said, “I’ll take ‘Things I Couldn’t Possibly Know’ for $400, Alex”, bet it all brother. You’ll still do all right.