Lately, I’ve been thinking about things that I need. A steady supply of feminine attention (I am after all, a guy). A new car, as That Which Shall Not Be Named is getting older. Cable TV. DSL. More Pez dispensers. A new baseball cap. A new haircut (I’m sort of bored with my current one). Most of all, I’ve decided there is one really important thing that I need.

A Nemesis.

Seriously, there is no one in my life that I can abjectly be nasty towards, and recieve abject nastiness in return. No one to trade pithy, humorous and derisive banter with, no one against whom I might defend myself with my superior wit and guile. A big part of the reason for this is that most people with whom I would like to engage in this fashion are too much like this jackass. You should have mentally and verbally pummelled him, Allison.