The two best parts of buying an X-mas tree.

One, we bought it at The Optimists Club tree lot. The trees themselves were less than optimistic. They were all dead. Some more than others, to be sure, but they were all dead. No replanting for these guys. They were all just standing around, dying slowly and thinking to themselves, “Optimists, my trunk. This is exploitation! I need a good lawyer.” We got a good tree. His name is Andrew, and he’s wearing my cowboy hat, for now.

Two, It has disco lights.