On "The End of The World"

or,

don’t laugh, this is serious, though I hate to say I told you so.

My good friend Michael has been telling me for some time that we are, in the most literal sense, experiencing THE END OF THE WORLD. Really. Not the verge of a global war, not an economic, ecological, or geologic disaster of some kind, but the honest end of all civilization as we know it. Back to hunting and gathering for us, no more iPods, suckers. He may even believe we are going to complete eliminate ourselves from the food chain, that all human beings will be dead in 10 or 20 years (Actually, Children of Men is coming out soon, a movie about all human women becoming infertile, a scary notion). Michael being Michael, and me being me, we decided a couple of years ago to get pretty drunk and have the debate on this subject in my backyard, at full volume and then some. Good times. However, I have personally been coming around more and more to Michael’s basic idea (not the first time that has happened). I do believe we are in some pretty deep shit as a species and as a planetary culture, and there are many signs all around us, some global, some local, some personal, some serious, some amusing. Here’s the list, in no particular order.

1) 200+ people killed last month in commuter rail bombings in India. I didn’t even HEAR about it until today. 200+ deaths in a bombing is becoming more and more par for the course, scary.
2) I have begun using TiVo to record “So You Think You Can Dance”.
3) 24 people arrested this week in a plot to blow up several airliners departing the UK for the US. While they are SUSPECTED Islamic fanatics, and certainly crazy as the proverbial rodent from the proverbial outdoor lavatory, the UK authorities are trying their hardest not to point fingers at any group, race, or religion beyond the 24 folks in custody, yet.
4) The US press, and even the US President, is not being nearly that careful. He responded by saying the United States is at war with “Islamic Fascists.” I am sure all Islamic US citizens are wondering right now, “What ever happened to ‘innocent until proven guilty’”. I certainly am.
5) I quit working at The Ivory Cat. I know, I didn’t think it would happen either.
6) I started buying comic books again. At a real comic book store, not just at Barnes and Noble.
7) Israel has once again decided to wage war on suburban neighborhoods for the right to exist. Then again, Hezbollah doesn’t exactly have military bases to attack.
8) Locally, they’re tearing down an Austin landmark, the Taco Express, incredibly cool statues and all.
9) They’re doing it to build a Wal-Green’s. At least it’s not a Starbucks.
10) To date, 2599 American Service men and women have been killed in the war in Iraq, according to the DOD.
11) I’m making a blog-list.
12) For the first time since Aaron Burr, we’ve got a Vice President who shot a guy. Awesome.
13) The federal reserve DIDN’T raise interests rates. That never happens.
14) I didn’t get around to making a Dick-Cheney-shot-a-guy-Aaron-Burr-shot-a-guy-Sorkinesque-wordplay joke until just now.
15) Ryan got to tour the set of Aaron Sorkin’s new show, and I didn’t.
16) To date, more than 400,000 people have been killed in “ethnic cleansing” in the Sudan alone.
17) Unrest is riding again in Somalia.
18) Two kids from Michigan were arrested for supplying and assisting terrorists after being arrested with flight manifests, over $11,000 in cash and more than a dozen cell phones. What happened to drinking and smoking dope to rebel against your parents and experiment with your newfound freedom?
18 b) addendum, turns out there were NO manifests, and the kids were unethically resellin cell phones but not terrorists. The cops just arrested them because they were Arab. SO, they were racially profiled. another good sign of the end of the world.
19) More than 100 people died in a typhoon in China, the largest storm in China in 50 years.
20) Mike Douglas died at 81, on his birthday, no less.
21) Bradley got kicked off Project Runway, and Angela didn’t. Tim-O, Jess, and I are sad.
22) They sell comic books at Barnes and Noble.

Please understand that I do not take ANY of the serious things on this list lightly. I believe in balance, that the instincts of self-preservation and the basic goodness of humanity will always counter balance the self-destructive and downright bloodthirsty fuckin’ evil dark side of our nature. We are born killers, to be sure. We’re the top of the food chain, after all. But we’re born thinkers too, both philosophers and comedians, and we shouldn’t forget it. So rail against the shit-storm, do your best not to be part of it, and if you can, make something, anything, just a little bit better, whether you’re saving the world or making someone giggle.